trying

I haven't updated in a few weeks because a lot has been going on. I started the new job and then got transferred on my third day to a better position at the Times. At this rate of promotion, I should be a millionaire by next summer... just kidding. I'm thankful for this promotion for two reasons: my income is now higher, and I will have to deal with a smaller number of people vying for my assistance. :) Oh yeah, and I'm asked daily if I would like someone to buy me a soda or a coffee (even though I have to refuse in order to stay in my size 4 pants!)

I'm still adjusting to not seeing my boyfriend as much, but I think things are going well. If anything, I'm a little more affectionate when I finally do get to see him, and I really try not to waste our time being upset or stressed (although the first weekend I did crack and cry a little... but he let me cry... right on his stomach. He then spoke softly while smoothing my hair back with his fingers and looking into my eyes: "You're crying on my stomach.") Oh, to be a simple man.

Well, to wrap up with a random thought, I can't see how any human can ever be completely free of hypocrisy. We deviate from what we consider to be our own wholeness when we even simply change our minds about something. We have all contradicted ourselves. Life is not fixed, but so wildly and splendidly variable. But someone who declares something proudly and then turns on himself quickly, either led by another situation or a person, really bothers me. I have been guilty I am sure, but now I see this in others and I have become aware. Think of sin. Every true Christian prays for forgiveness constantly. We humans can commit ourselves to the struggle of being Christians, and we can try and try to attain perfection and integrity... but can never declare ourselves sinless. It is human nature to err, and God understands this. In some cases, error is equal to making false speech about who or what you are. Just give it up and stop trying to define yourself audibly. If you must, define yourself solely as a fallible human being in the care of an understanding and perfect God. For some of us, the next question would be "why apologize for our human nature?"

My goldfish are fighting right next to me. ?!