I really can't sleep

There are a ton of things bothering me, most of which I don't even want to talk about. And I've been awake, praying, for hours, and it's 5:16am. I shouldn't even have to be in this position... I'm working six days a week to try to pay the bills (and the bills of an irresponsible ex-roommate, too) and I really need my sleep. I feel immature and developmentally slow (as in more of my future should be figured out), and I shouldn't ever have to deal with these emotions I'm having right now. I should have a secure adulthood by this point. I'm 23 years old and I should have a steady relationship and a normal job. What happened?!

My entire life hangs on the decisions I have to make, and I feel paralyzed by my own previous decisions. I can't find a job, I'm not sure I'm doing some things right, and I am so far away from my own ideals of how my life should be that I can't be happy doing this. I hate working at Outback so much that I don't ever want to go. I can't help but feel like I can't find a job because I'm not supposed to still be in Salisbury. I don't know why I found an apartment down here. I stayed for the wrong reason. I feel so mixed up right now that I just don't even know which way to turn, and being down here hasn't been the best spiritually enriching experience that I've had, either.

My peace lily hasn't bloomed in over four years, and my goldfish are nipping at each other every night. I miss my family, especially the Johnsons, and my sinuses are hurting again even though I just had surgery. When is everything going to stop sucking and start being great? I'm trying so, so hard.